A couple days back, I spied the cover of the latest Nob Hill Gazette on my neighbor’s walkway. I couldn’t resist. Out came the iPhone and the silent shutter setting.
Apologies to the Gazette. And to the artist behind the cover. But like I said, I couldn’t resist.
I don’t know that “I couldn’t resist” is a viable legal defense to copyright infringement. Interestingly enough, I could avoid imprisonment or the death penalty by successfully claiming that “I couldn’t resist,” say, killing my Nob Hill Gazette-subscribing neighbor. I’m sure I could gin up some imagined wrong having to do with the neighbor’s nap nap dog constantly peeing on my front hedges. And killing my hedges; a slow death from urine poisoning. No such luck, though, using the same defense with respect to misusing the intellectual property of my neighbor’s Nob Hill Gazette. Intellectually, this just seems wrong. If I catch the nap nap dog lifting his little leg on my Box Leaf Privet, perhaps I will have a chance to resolve this particular harmonic dissonance.
But I digress.
What I really wanted to write about is this: The cartoonish depiction of an open water swim from Alcatraz is hurting my cause. Or rather, my childrens’ school’s cause. A school friend of ours is helping our school run its annual online auction, the proceeds of which help subsidize the indexed tuition program. She conjured up the interesting idea of having a swim buddy (who is also a school mom) and I “host” a San Francisco Bay swim later this year, when the water is warmer and the days are longer. What a creative idea for an auction item, I thought. As I’ve written before, again, and once more, I love swimming in the Bay. How could anyone not?!?
How could anyone not, indeed.
One only need look at the Nob Hill Gazette cover to compile the reasons to not want to swim in the Bay. Let’s see, there’s “The Rock” itself, ominous, foreboding, and those brothers who escaped, their bodies were never recovered, right? Don’t particularly want to bump into the bloated Anglin brothers out there. Then there’s the food chain concern. The Gazette artist graciously includes only a small hint of what’s under there, with a harmless little sea lion popping up amidst the waves. Well, I probably shouldn’t write this, since I am a fan of indexed tuition, however: One, the sea lions are not always so friendly. And two, the sea lions, it turns out, could be the least of a swimmer’s concerns out there. So we’ve got that working for us.
What else? Well, how about nuclear-infused water? Radiation from across the Pacific in Fukushima to our shores? Yep, we got that too! Well, maybe we do and maybe we don’t. There seems to be some disagreement in the scientific community. On the plus side, I suspect that the toxic radiation would serve to warm up the Bay’s waters a tad, normally a bit on the chilly side. On some mornings when my pale, white, big toes require a couple hours to defrost after a swim, a little radiation seems appealing.
So in summary, it’s simply not as bad as it seems. Who’s really afraid of territorial pinnapeds, near-sighted 20-foot sharks, and gene-bending chemicals? After all, it’s for the kids!
So if you are an MCDS parent (or have stolen the identity of one, I’m not going to split hairs on this), when the online auction goes “live” on April 2, click here, and bid early and often! I hope we’re able to pack more swimmers into Aquatic Park than the ones drawn on the Gazette cover.
On the other hand, if I receive a phone call from MCDS’ head of school about the wisdom of this morning’s blog post, I have a plan for that too: I couldn’t resist.
Thanks for reading.